Argh there is no getting away with it, time is not going to be reversed, so let’s go with it!

You know when you’re a woman over 40 when…

  1. You think the early ’90s were just a few years ago
  2. You dye your hair to cover the grey rather than to express your personality
  3. You’re shocked when you go to parent’s evening and realise you are in fact old enough to be your child’s teacher’s mother!
  4. You’re damn sure that wagon wheels are half the size they used to be
  5. You reach for an apple in the supermarket and are shocked and confused over whose hand that is that looks like your mothers on the end of your arm!
  6. You’re shocked to discover that apparently you’re an embarrassment to your children. ‘Galloping’ across the supermarket car park like Miranda Hart, is not acceptable behaviour to them
  7. You find a grey pubic hair and have a mid-life crisis over it
  8. Your collection of hiking boots is larger than your collection of ‘party shoes’
  9. You change your skin care range from ‘anti-ageing’ to ‘deep wrinkle’ treatment
  10. You browse the ‘Betterware’ catalogue and think to yourself “ooo that might be handy”
  11. You look in the mirror one day, really look and think “when the bloody hell did that happen?”
  12. Your children look at you in the sunlight and ask why you have a moustache
  13. You think that Marks and Spencer’s Per Una’s clothing range has ‘really become more trendy’ in recent years
  14. You still use the word ‘trendy’
  15. You just cannot send your Dirty Dancing and Grease DVDs to the charity shop
  16. Your daughter, nieces or friends daughter’s rave about Zoella on YouTube and you recount stories of reading Jackie, Smash Hits and Just 17 to them…they have NO idea
  17. You get hot and sweaty in bed at night, for all the wrong reasons!
  18. You’re shocked at just how old Paul Young, Simon Le Bon, Harrison Ford and Richard Gere look these days
  19. You realised the deep wrinkle between your eyebrows is in fact a deep wrinkle and not just a trick of bad lighting
  20. You wake up one morning and your boobs have dropped, just like that, overnight
  21. You laugh and joke with friends about how much your boobs have dropped and nobody disagrees with you
  22. You are now absolutely positive that ‘Wine O’Clock’ is at 7pm…but in any time zone now counts
  23. You cannot understand WHY clothing stores have changed their lighting in the changing cubicles…why make women look older than they really are?
  24. You are often up at 5.30am at the weekend, but you are getting up then and not going to bed
  25. You go to bed earlier rather than have a lie in (umm see the connection here)
  26. You’re eternally grateful that social media and camera phones weren’t around when you were at college and university
  27. You think ‘sick’ means to throw up or feel ill
  28. You have to resist saying ‘I told you so’ at least 17 times a day
  29. You say the EXACT things to your children you used to hate your mother saying to you
  30. You have an out of body experience and shame envelops you like a cloak of despair, when you hear yourself say…”ah yes but when you get to my age…”
  31. You inadvertently flirt with a ‘young man’ and cringe as you realise he will only ever think of you at best as a potential cougar!
  32. You are still 27 in your head, but your body says “no, no, no, look that isn’t real”
  33. You realise you will never say again “oh it’s fine I can eat whatever I want, I never put on weight”
  34. You never think ‘if you can pinch and inch’ it’s now more likely to be “if you can grab the flab!
  35. You know who your friends are, they’ve proved themselves and are real keepers
  36. You have to google the children’s homework to help them
  37. You appreciate the little things in life, like the pleasure of putting on PJs and watching a movie
  38. You find your husband/partner ‘hot’ when he has unloaded and loaded the dishwasher
  39. You come to terms with the fact that despite applying eye liner for over 25 years, you will never get them to match, so good is good enough
  40. You are finally comfortable with who you are!
  41. You laugh in the face of a peri-menopause (and cry about everything else)
  42. You totally get that you can in fact do whatever you want…who the hell is going to be brave enough to try and stop you?
  43. Personal summers DO exist…

Embrace them all, you’re more fabulous than you have ever been before!

sara

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